New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s pro-bicycle agenda reached a new high water mark today with the announcement that a cyclists-only lane is being added to the long-under-construction Second Avenue Subway

Hello ladies! It’s your little old left-lib nun again! Sister Mary Che! Coming to you from the convent of Our Lady of Liberation Tendencies in Wellesley Mass, mother-house of my wonderful, wonderful order, The Little Sisters of Noam Chomsky!

Today's mandatory article about Facebook.

In a shocking twist to the criminal prosecution of John Edwards for campaign law violations, Edwards has won the right not just to be judged by a jury of his peers but the right to pick those peers – if he can find them.

Hordes of sobbing Gingrich followers and casino magnates gathered outside the Gingrich Compound in Alexandria, Virginia to mourn the death of the Newt Gingrich 2012 Presidential Campaign.

Presumptive GOP presidential nominee Mitt Romney reaffirmed his general opposition to a constitutional right to privacy with one limited exception.

"The Constitution says nothing about the 13th Amendment," declared Thomas. "And the actual words of the founders are what count – not what liberal wishful thinkers claim 230 years later might have been their intention. The Constitution does not evolve. Evolution is a myth."

President Obama announced a bold new plan today in conjunction with the Department of Defense to develop a fire-resistant version of the Koran. Testing by Special Ops Command personnel of the new non-flammable edition has already begun at Fort Bragg.

Governor Jan Brewer of Arizona startled media and supporters alike today when she announced that she is part velociraptor.

The United States Government is now using military drones to evict families from foreclosed homes. The measure not only increases real estate efficiency, but saves taxpayers by replacing sheriffs and their expensive pensions, healthcare benefits, and mustache maintenance.

Facing an increasingly optimistic economic outlook, top Republican strategists are throwing their support behind incumbent President Romney's bid for a second term.

America’s very rich now have exclusive use of humankind’s most unattainable dream: the instant, infallible cure for a massive hangover. And it’s their best-kept secret.

McDonald's and Pfizer have announced plans to merge to allow McDonald's myriad meat patents and other intellectual properties to sustain Pfizer's long-term positive economic outlook.

Nationwide strikes protesting austerity measures in Greece actually increased Greek productivity by around 5%, according to a recent study by two Princeton economists.

President Obama is increasingly under fire from key religious conservatives who say that his apparent lack of voices merely proves his flagrant hatred and contempt of all faiths and creeds.

Noam Chomsky is America’s leading dissident, linguist and small dessert expert. He has agreed to sit for an interview with The Final Edition but only during the commercials.

Saudi Arabia's religious police issued an order prohibiting women from playing Nintendo's popular Mario Kart series stating that "Under Islam, driving is prohibited to women."

The Arizona Book Banning and Burning Board, a division of the Arizona Dept of Education, today outlawed any teaching of, or reference to, the Bible in its schools.

In an impromptu 85-minute speech in Car 3 of Acela Express #2103, Vice President Joe Biden stood up and declared to stunned passengers that “if Iraq no longer wants” America’s 13,000 remaining troops, he’ll “gladly” take them.

Has your change to a "Z" lifestyle got you in the dumps? Join Kevin, TFE's new Zombie Advice Columnist, as he tells us the Dos-and-Don'ts of the increasingly fashionable "Z" way of life.

Still mourning after the death of CEO Steve Jobs, Apple has announced a new line of products to tap into the largely untouched and forgotten post-living market.

The race for your retina is on! Media have always been obsessed with your eyeballs. Attracting them, keeping them, selling you stuff you don't need. Now with its Project Glass reality glasses Google wants to cut out the middleman – you. But Apple has an even better idea...

Negotiations over Iran's nuclear program were thrown into chaos yesterday when Iranian President Mahmood Ahmadinejad offered a dramatic proposal regarding Iran's enemy, Israel.

From an engineering standpoint, the Titanic was not really a ship at all but a gigantic, seagoing zeppelin.

A new multi-discipline study by a Harvard University academic described the effects of skyrocketing gas prices in the U.S. as "bordering on catastrophic."

The GOP leadership announced today its definitive answer to the Administration’s jobs plan: a new prime-time Fox reality-show that will give one lucky contestant a job.

I wake up groggy and aching. It’s hot and I’m thirsty and nauseous. My foot is asleep and my sacred Mormon undergarment itches like mad under my blue suit.

PBS has tapped Elmore Leonard, the acclaimed writer of Rum Punch, Get Shorty, and Out of Sight, to write for the early 20th century period drama. TFE has acquired an exclusive sneak peak of what's to come.

The death of a language can often be traced to its inflexibility-the unwillingness to change with, and thus express, changing times. No tale better illustrates this than the grim history of the Grammar Nazi Party.

Brooklyn hipsters explore modern commerce through social networking, urban tribalism, and suspicious fires.

If left to our own devices, are we a nation that identifies Americanism as participating in the collective care of all of our citizens, or are we a nation of Individualists who believe that every man is an island?

Skip Hobble discusses the opulent luxury accommodations now available to the jet-setting elite aboard the new Airbus A001 in TFE's Travel Blog, "Final Destinations."