After his failure to get Congress to pass gun control supported by 90% of Americans, we revisit our favorite current occupant of the Oval Office. Check out his moves...

Shocking Photo Reveals There Are FIVE Horsemen Of The Apocalypse

Within seconds of her fatal stroke, Thatcher’s immortal soul was whisked to its inevitable destination, Hell. Then something unprecedented in the annals of eternal torment took place.

Pope Francis 1st stunned Catholics and non-Catholics alike yesterday when he announced that he intends to marry a Brazilian transgender man named Joan (HO-WAN) in July when he visits Brazil.

"The Constitution says nothing about the 13th Amendment," declared Thomas. "And the actual words of the founders are what count – not what liberal wishful thinkers claim 230 years later might have been their intention. The Constitution does not evolve. Evolution is a myth."

The race for your retina is on! Media have always been obsessed with your eyeballs. Attracting them, keeping them, selling you stuff you don't need. Now with its Project Glass reality glasses Google wants to cut out the middleman – you. But Apple has an even better idea...

The United States Government is now using military drones to evict families from foreclosed homes. The measure not only increases real estate efficiency, but saves taxpayers by replacing sheriffs and their expensive pensions, healthcare benefits, and mustache maintenance.

It’s your little old left-lib nun again! Big news in Nun-world ladies! Our nemesis Benji the Rottweiler of God has resigned! To spend more time with his family. Oh. No. Wait...

The Final Edition Radio Hour invites you to take a listen as Brooklyn hipsters explore modern commerce through social networking, urban tribalism, and suspicious fires.

PBS has tapped Elmore Leonard, the acclaimed writer of Rum Punch, Get Shorty, and Out of Sight, to write for the early 20th century period drama. TFE has acquired an exclusive sneak peak of what's to come.

Who's responsible for all the gun violence? The First and Second Amendment shoot it out. There are tumbleweeds.

FLORIDA -- Late last week, Enterprise Florida, an organization promoting Florida's growth, held a press conference to unveil its new slogan: FLORIDA: The Perfect Climate for Business. 

McDonald's and Pfizer have announced plans to merge to allow McDonald's myriad meat patents and other intellectual properties to sustain Pfizer's long-term positive economic outlook.

The Arizona Book Banning and Burning Board, a division of the Arizona Dept of Education, today outlawed any teaching of, or reference to, the Bible in its schools.

A public service announcement from Idiots With Guns.

For the tenth straight year since its founding, Pakistan's Umayyad Suicide College has been forced to cancel its Homecoming Celebration & Football Game due to lack of alumni.

From the creators of "The Italian Job" and "Ocean's Eleven" comes "The Libor Caper," the least marketed hit of the summer.

At steak-sauce-and-whisky-fueled blowout in Dallas this week, META, the first grass-roots carnivorist organization in US history was born.

His Holiness announced that Mr. Galilei's remains will be charged with crimes against humanity such as global warming, industrial pollution, abortion, and cell-phones that go off during Mass.

The Forbes 400 Most Pornographically Wealthy People On Earth are pushing back hard at calls from governments in developed countries to raise taxes on them. They gathered from around the globe last week in an unannounced location to discuss tactics.

Noam Chomsky is America’s leading dissident, linguist and small dessert expert. He has agreed to sit for an interview with The Final Edition but only during the commercials.

Just in time to reverse the GOP ticket’s downward spiral Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan today announced a dramatic new alternative to Medicare.

The GOP in Texas, Arizona, Kansas will support a replacement non-non-profit entity to provide a full raft of women’s health services, including bloodletting, fertility spells, wet-nurses, anti-suicide counseling, and in some cases, chastity belts.

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s pro-bicycle agenda reached a new high water mark today with the announcement that a cyclists-only lane is being added to the long-under-construction Second Avenue Subway

Hello ladies! It’s your little old left-lib nun again! Sister Mary Che! Coming to you from the convent of Our Lady of Liberation Tendencies in Wellesley Mass, mother-house of my wonderful, wonderful order, The Little Sisters of Noam Chomsky!

Today's mandatory article about Facebook.

Governor Jan Brewer of Arizona startled media and supporters alike today when she announced that she is part velociraptor.

Has your change to a "Z" lifestyle got you in the dumps? Join Kevin, TFE's new Zombie Advice Columnist, as he tells us the Dos-and-Don'ts of the increasingly fashionable "Z" way of life.

Still mourning after the death of CEO Steve Jobs, Apple has announced a new line of products to tap into the largely untouched and forgotten post-living market.

Hello ladies. Are you 40? Single? Married? Divorced? Overworked? Unemployed? Bumping against the glass ceiling?

Brooklyn hipsters explore modern commerce through social networking, urban tribalism, and suspicious fires.

The GOP leadership announced today its definitive answer to the Administration’s jobs plan: a new prime-time Fox reality-show that will give one lucky contestant a job.

The death of a language can often be traced to its inflexibility-the unwillingness to change with, and thus express, changing times. No tale better illustrates this than the grim history of the Grammar Nazi Party.

Miranda Tessaro thought she was doing the right thing when she invited out-of-work ventriloquist Al Corcetti, 65, and his dummy, Jigsey Janofsky, 38, to stay in her Silver Lakes home.

Residents of Colfax, a small town northeast of Indianapolis, are frenzied after the face of Poseidon was discovered in a Shumard Oak.

Negotiations over Iran's nuclear program were thrown into chaos yesterday when Iranian President Mahmood Ahmadinejad offered a dramatic proposal regarding Iran's enemy, Israel.

From an engineering standpoint, the Titanic was not really a ship at all but a gigantic, seagoing zeppelin.

If left to our own devices, are we a nation that identifies Americanism as participating in the collective care of all of our citizens, or are we a nation of Individualists who believe that every man is an island?

Skip Hobble discusses the opulent luxury accommodations now available to the jet-setting elite aboard the new Airbus A001 in TFE's Travel Blog, "Final Destinations."