The United States Government is now using military drones to evict families from foreclosed homes. The measure not only increases real estate efficiency, but saves taxpayers by replacing sheriffs and their expensive pensions, healthcare benefits, and mustache maintenance.
White House Press Secretary Jay Carney cited the drones' success overseas and the economy as inspiration. "Drones don't get tired, they don't have mouths to feed, and they usually don't employ racial or misogynistic imagery in executing their duties."
At a meeting of the National Sheriff's Association of America for America, Sheriff R. P. Coltrane told a harrowing tale of being threatened by a drone. He said he was pulled over by a drone that broke his tail light with a laser-guided baton and told him the town wasn't big enough for the two of them. While most in attendance were shocked by the tale, they also expressed concern about needing to buy dollar stores sunglasses.
Al Sharpton also called the droneviction program racist since it has taken the jobs of both of the nation's African American sheriffs.
Based upon the early popularity of the program amongst bank executives and families who haven't been vaporized, the Obama Administration has ordered a fleet of drones designed to hunt, kill, and defund students past due on their Perkins loans.