Hello ladies! It’s your little old left-lib nun again! Sister Mary Che!
Coming to you from the convent of Our Lady of Liberation Tendencies in Wellesley Mass, mother-house of my wonderful, wonderful order, The Little Sisters of Noam Chomsky!
A lot of news in Nun-world this week ladies! The Holy War on Women continues! Pope Benedict 16th - we girls of the veil call him Benji, the Rottweiler of God – is cracking down on us 60,000 remaining U.S. nuns. Why? Because we have radical feminist views! Like caring for the homeless, the poor and the HIV-positive. Like supporting free healthcare.
You know, the kind Jesus used to provide...
Come to think of it, comparing the Pope to a Rottweiler is really unfair to Rottweilers. We have a Rottweiler here at the hospice called Gertrude Stein. She’s a total sweetie-pie! Except when we get a visitation from one those right-wing bishops! Oh my, she loves to bite their bottoms!
We had Cardinal Roly Poly Dolan of New York pay us a visit recently. To shut us up. We’re all for Catholic employers having to provide birth control for their employees, you see. Gertrude took one look at him and went right for the buttockal area! And there’s a lot of it!
The funny thing about our new Cardinal being contra-contraception is that he well, looks like he has a couple of buns in the oven. And you know what? Once he’s birthed and raised those little ones, all alone, on food stamps, with no child benefits or health insurance, we’d LOVE to hear what he has to say about birth control! Won’t we ladies? Blessed be the fruit of thy womb Roly Poly Doly!
Here’s the irony of not very bright men telling us girls to toe the line. Most of us have at least one PhD! I have two! One in Lacanian Deconstructive Theology and one in Applied Micro-Biology. That’s a fancy-pants way of saying: Doctor.
So I can assure his Holiness – and his RolyPoly-ness – that the medical advances which help us control death also give us the means to control birth. Yet while the Catholic hierarchy disapproves of birth control, it has nooo problem with death control. Oh golly Miss Molly, no! They want all the latest medical breakthroughs to keep them alive as long as possible! Heaven can wait!
Now if God is fine with intervening medically in the natural order at the end of life, what would be Her problem with intervening medically in the natural order at the beginning of life?
We nuns of the 60s and 70s know one thing: after all the prayers and good works of the last 40 years, there are still two classes of people in the Church. Catholics with penises: the Hierarchy. And us, The Lower-archy. Without.
Yeah verily it’s a man’s world. And that’s why it’s such a gosh-darned mess! But you know something? Despite all that death-control at their disposal, we still outlive them!
So here’s today’s mini-homily from your little old left-lib nun, Sister Mary Che...
Life doesn’t begin at conception. Life begins at forty!
Bye bye till next time, ladies. God bless you every one!