Ron Paul on the Road to Dumbascus

By RICK MEYEROWITZ

SUDDENLY! He perceiveth a blinding light, and is dazzled by the appearance of his messiah, Ayn Rand, who sayeth unto him, "Thou hast taken the wrong path until now. From this time on, thou art no more to be a hidebound, conservative bigot. Thou shalt be a narrow-minded, libertarian lunatic!" And Ron Paul sayeth to Ayn Rand, "Why are you speaking that way? You're a Russian Jew." And Ayn Rand answereth, " YOU'RE QUESTIONING ME? You'll rue the day if you question ME!" And Ron Paul groweth suddenly nervous and quiet and he looketh for the door, but he findeth none because he is on a road, the road to Dumbascus.

And Ayn Rand sayeth, "Thou shalt name one child Rand and another child Ru, and thou shalt go out unto the gentiles and preach my crackpot philosophy, and thy followers shall multiply, and thou shalt be on TV more than thou ever could dreameth!" And with that she vanisheth, leaving Ron Paul on the far-right side of the road.

And lo, Ron Paul went forth, and was on TV more than anyone could dreameth. Multitudes gathered unto him, and he told them he'd bring the soldiers home and set them free without jobs, and take the country back to a simpler time: the 1820s, before that annoying Emancipation Proclamation. And his followers cheered, and they were mostly children, and they were as lemmings unto him, and Ron Paul leadeth them to a cliff, and Ron Paul sayeth unto them, "Jump!" And they did.

Previously on TFE: Giant Self-Inflated Gasbag Crashes to Earth