Silvio Berlusconi, the Italian television star who plays the role of Prime Minister in the long-running Italian reality series “The Italian Government,” professed himself outraged Friday at being shunted aside by Ashton Kutcher in the race to replace Charlie Sheen in Two and Half Men. The New York Times Final Edition reported on Tuesday that CBS had decided on Berlusconi because his wildly erratic private life, homophobia and financial chicanery made him the perfect replacement for Sheen, both in his role of Charlie Harper and off-screen. According to Berlusconi’s agent in Milan, “We thought Silvio’s only competition was Hugh Grant, who is a boring boring boring stupid English man and we had it locked up tighter than the Pope’s panty-hose.”
In a rambling interview with Rai Uno, Berlusconi called Kutcher “un gatto-ragazzo” - literally, “pussycat-boy” - who slept with a woman old enough to be his mother (these were not Signor Berlusconi’s exact words) and said of his comedic talents: “buffo como una fossa di bambino morto’ or ‘about as funny as a dead baby’s open grave’
The Prime Minister then removed most of his clothing and asked his interviewer if he could caress her nipples. Many media observers believe CBS will regret its decision.