COLFAX, IN – Residents of Colfax, a small town northeast of Indianapolis, are frenzied after the face of Poseidon was discovered in a Shumard Oak.
Ten year-old Boy Scout Matthew Wick came across the tree in the Broadview Lake Campground during a weekend camping trip. “I was looking for firewood on the forest floor, and had the eerie feeling someone was watching me,” said Wick. “Glancing up, there it was – the face of Poseidon, God of the Sea - smiling down upon me.”
Mythologists from around the country have flocked to the municipality to get a first hand squint.
“I’ve already been lucky enough to see Zeus in a gutter in Philadelphia, Cthulhu in some roadkill outside Phoenix and now this," blurted polytheist Richard Caron. "Truly, it’s unbelievable. Amazing! I’m definitely going to buy a t-shirt.”
While most of the 691 living in Colfax welcome the manifestation, a few residents don't. Sour eighty-two year-old Sylvia Winters, for one, refuses to recognize the "imposter" Poseidon, choosing instead to worship Neptune, the Roman equivalent of the Greek deity, whom she came across in a bowl of pudding.
Robert Spector, a local insurance salesman, however, is thrilled about the icon’s presence. “I’m just glad Poseidon chose us, "he said. "Hopefully it means good things are to come. A fruitful fishing season, perhaps.”
The nearest fishable body of water to Colfax is 114 miles away at Lake Michigan…which looks just like Jesus' pancreas.